She’s so Fetch

“Do you ever think about women?”

I looked at Andy in confusion before replying, “Yeah… women are beautiful.”

The Warthog turned to me with almost a longing look, “But they are so much more than beautiful, they are so much more than their looks.” He began. “Not only do they deal with bleeding from their bodies for days at a time every month, but they deal with literally everyone having an opinion on every aspect of their lives.” 

“If they are skinny, fat, loud, shy, outspoken, independent, nervous, sad, happy, tired, driven, or depressed. They are shamed for simply just existing. I mean the oversexualization of the female body in the western culture is a whole other topic on its own that we won’t get into.”

We both paused. I began to think about my mother, but before I could say anything, it was as if Andy read my mind. 

“Not only that but women give birth. I mean you wouldn’t even be here without a woman. They bear a child for nine long months and literally bring life into this crippling realm. Almost like a portal to this earth. I mean just the thought of all of that is crazy. Even I, as a Warthog, have a hard time wrapping my brain around it.” 

Andy took a sharp breath in making a snorting noise. “That’s why I created an entire collection just dedicated to women. The most gorgeous, confusing, powerful, and strong creatures we get to encounter. The collection is an ode to the feminist mystique.”

Just as he finished, a middle aged mom walked by pushing a stroller looking beat from the day. 

“I mean look at her, she’s so fetch!” We both just looked at each other and laughed, almost in shock at the fact that Andy Warthog just made a Mean Girls reference.


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